The windswept beach created an uneasy feeling in my heart as I walked and tightened the belt of my trench coat. It was July fifth and the Pacific Ocean shore was chilly–not the most welcome weather for a summer Shabbat. It was as if the very atmosphere felt my indecision—I asked the Eternal what was the direction of my life and where I would go after three months alone at the ocean?.

I fought the temptation to anxiety,  I prayed and blessed the Creator and walked farther. Shabbat was not a day to struggle with G-d. And I tried to let it all go and to realize that His Hand would guide me in my future no matter which path I should take. Long blades of gray green grass and sage waved along the path, clumps of daisies here and there nodded as in the distance summer vagabonds plied the waters with their surfboards. I turned from the huge rocks along the beach and walked again. I stopped.

“Shema Yisrael, Hashem Elokenu…Hashem Echad.”  I felt lighter, but still there was a slight burden on my heart as I started back on the paved bicycle path towards my RV. Where was my destination? What was my purpose? What was my next turn? I had not managed to afford the move to an observant Jewish community, something I felt I should do. I shrugged as I admitted to myself that it was something I had only halfheartedly tried to do. It seemed I needed someone to reach out to me and hang onto me. It was not easy to abandon everything and go for an unknown purpose when it seemed that doors were either shut or that I must force myself into a situation which was not at all familiar to me. I carried these thoughts as I neared the end of the trail.

Suddenly something coaxed my eyes up to the sky. Above me I saw the Hebrew letter Shin formed by a soft fluffy cloud. I knew what it meant. Shin is the letter that is written on my Mezuzah. Shin begins one of the names of G-d, El Shaddai. It signifies provision and protection. Joy sprung from my soul and I blessed Hashem! I took this to be his promise that he would be with me in the unknown and forbidding future that seemed to engulf my days in worry and uncertainty. The cloud formation stayed above me for more than 15 minutes as I finished my walk. I knew that G-d was with me. I knew then that I could walk whatever path I was called to walk. And that the Shin was shown to me to remind me of his caring and provision for me no matter where I would be called to go, even to an unknown land. And I remembered “Lech Lecha” the words of G-d to my father Abraham, and the Parsha which I chose for my adult Bat Mitzvah in the fall of 2009, a journey to a land that was still unrevealed to him and now to me.

And thus it has been…